Aristotle’s Anger Pt. 5: Way to Anger

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.” Aristotle, 384 BC – 322 BC

This is our last installment of our Aristotle’s Anger Series. This week we’re going to discuss how to be angry the “right way”.

How do you “do” your anger? What I mean is how does your anger display or express itself? How does someone else know you’re upset? Are you loud and rageful? Are you more passive aggressive? Does sarcasm ever come into play?

I always say, it’s okay to be angry, it’s what you do with it that causes the problems. This especially comes into play in the workplace. Make a point to notice how you express yourself when annoyed or frustrated. Ask other people how they experience you. When your anger is expressed negatively, your coworkers notice, your employees notice, your boss notices…everybody notices and from there your reputation is formed. If you are thinking of being promoted or in this economic climate KEEPING your job, you may want examine yourself to see if you exhibit any of the below when you become angry:

1. Yelling/Screaming

2. Being Sarcastic

3. Being “Snappy”

4. Holding Grudges

5. Holding it in and then “exploding”

So before you decide to ‘go off’ on your boss… remember, somebody is ALWAYS watching. The way you handle any situation will follow you every where you go. The way  you handle your anger can lead you into a a positive or negative path… you decide.

Thanks for checking the Workplace Anger Blog brought to you by AidevO People Consulting,LLC!

Until next time!

Aristotle’s Anger Pt.4: Hot Thoughts

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.” Aristotle, 384 BC – 322 BC

Happy Thursday! This is our 4th installment of our Aristotle’s Anger Series. We discussed who to be angry with, to what intensity level, and at the appropriate time. Today, I’ll give my thoughts on being angry for the right purpose. There are alot of ways I thought of approaching this one because it is so wide open but since this is my year of ‘focus’ (lol), I will try to stay on point!

How to be angry for the right purpose… or for the right reason. I’ve noticed throughout my work with clients, my interactions with colleagues, and conversations with friends and family that much of what we become frustrated about is beyond our control.  Think about it: When was the last time you became upset, I mean really upset about something you had no control over? Was it with your boss, your employee, a co-worker, the copy machine, your car?!

The truth of the matter is that you can control no one and nothing but YOURSELF! The main culprit here is our thoughts…about how things ‘should’ go, how we ‘should’ be treated, the way things ‘should’ be. But sometimes people treat us how they want to, things don’t go our way and things are not the way we would like them to be. Trust me it is really okay! You’ll live another day, I promise. Below you’ll find an excerpt from a SlideShare Slideshow I put together for a training I conducted for an organization not long ago. It introduces you to Hot Thoughts, those thoughts that lead to anger everytime you think of them.

Thanks for checking out the Workplace Anger Blog!

Aristotle’s Anger: Somebody check the thermostat!

We are back this week with Aristotle’s approach to anger. This week we’ll talk about being angry to the right degree.

What do I mean by ‘degree’? I mean intensity. ‘How’ angry are you? Imagine listing all of the anger inducing situations you encounter at work on a thermometer. What would you list at 5 degrees? What would you list at 50 degress? What would be at 100 degrees for you?

Anger Intensity:

Take a look at a seemingly benign issue of no printer ink in the cartridge. You’ll notice that each person may have a different anger intensity when it comes to a certain issue.

5 degrees – There is no ink in the printer. No matter, I can print later.

50 degrees – There is still no ink the printer. I need to print this report before the meeting in two hours!

90 degrees – Okay, what idiot used up all the printer ink and didn’t replace it!  I have to have this report printed and copied for 10 people in 15 minutes! This is ridiculous!

Monitoring your anger intensity is probably the most important technique of anger management. It has been reported having very intense anger for prolonged periods can be attributed severe health problems including hypertension, digestive problems,  migraine headaches, etc. Thus, check your “anger temperature”, how “hot” are you? What situations are at 70 degrees and may be more beneficial to you and those around you if it was at 30 degrees.?

As I always say, it’s okay to be angry…it’s natural and normal but to what extent, degree or intensity will you let it take you?

Aristotle’s Anger Pt. 3: Timing is Everything!

Back to our series on Aristotle’s quote about anger. Last week we discussed displaced anger or being angry with the right person. This week, we will talk about being angry at the right time.

Have you ever thought to yourself after saying something that might have been hurtful, inappropriate, or just plain wrong: “I really should have waited to say that…or that was not how I wanted that to come out…” Sometimes we have the best intentions - we know WHAT we want to say and WHY, but when we do say it, it comes out not only the wrong way but our timing is off! Often times we wait until we are really ticked off to express our feelings. This OFTEN happens in the workplace… we wait for just the right look, word, or comment and as soon as it happens  – we let them have it!

I struggled with figuring out what I wanted to say in this post about timing and anger. I thought to myself, “there’s no right or wrong TIME to be angry… if you are upset, you just are…” But the issue isn’t necessarily when to be angry, it’s acknowledging you are upset and deciding if it is the right time to engage in something – be it a conversation with a co-worker, making a decision about duties assigned to staff, or even asking for a raise. All of these things maybe necessities of a job, but when we are frustrated and try to tackle them the outcome is not normally the best one. The “conversation” we planned to have with that co-worker has turned into an argument, instead of assigning the duties fairly, you’ve clearly been biased, and instead of stating your case clearly and concisely for a raise, you demanded it.

Timing is everything, especially when it comes to managing our anger. Below are a few tips on making timing and anger that may save us from some conflicts that could be avoided. 

TIPS on Timing:

 1. Take a break, a minute to cool off, an hour, maybe even a day. I find that cooler heads prevail when you take the time to think about what it is you really want to convey.

2. Before you engage with staff or coworkers, acknowledge whether you are upset or not and what you are really upset about.

3. If you are tired, sleepy, or hungry, get some rest, go to sleep or eat prior to dealing with any serious matters. You are much more apt to become angry quickly and more intensely if you aren’t rested or properly nourished.

If would like more information on this topic or would like to schedule a free lunch and learn for your business or organization, please give us a call at AidevO People Consulting, LLC  (404) 537-1821 or email us at info@aidevo.com.

Aristotle’s Anger Pt 2: Know WHO to be mad at!

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.” Aristotle, 384 BC – 322 BC 

 

So back to our quote from last week! Today I’m going to discuss being angry with the right person. Often times we become angry or upset with our spouse or loved ones when we are really upset about something at work. Or we chew the head off of our co-worker but we are really not happy about what’s going on at home. Or giving the cashier a hard time about the line, or being too slow, or not having the peanut butter you came in for, when you’re really upset about an issue you have with yourself.

 

All of these are classic examples of displaced anger. I know this may not be correct grammar, but know who to be mad at! Or to put it more succinctly, target your anger to it’s rightful owner. You won’t solve the problem by being upset with the wrong people. It ruins relationships, friendships, reputations and could even cost you your job. 

 

There are reasons why we DON’T express our anger to the right individuals. We may be intimidated by the other person, feel powerless, or may be unsure and/or unable to express ourselves  and our anger effectively.

 

Here are 3 tips that can help you if you are frequently displacing your anger onto the wrong people:

1. Uncover the “Real” issue – What are you REALLY upset about? I always say that anger is a secondary emotion and that there is a another feeling beneath (hurt, disappointment, fear, confusion, etc.) that is driving the frustrations. (We will be discussing this in the next few weeks.)
2. Practice Assertive Communication – When you’re upset with someone and you have the right tools, you can let them know how you feel in an appropriate manner.
3. Take a Time Out – If you know that you are stressed or upset about something, take some time to cool off or think about the issue before you engage with others.

If you’d like a free lunch and learn on this topic for your company, please feel free to contact us at AidevO People Consulting at(404) 537-1821.